Trees.

Mood:

Meadow. Forest. Trees. Green. I want all of them. I want to visit such a place. Sleeping, hiding, smelling the fresh air, only.

Or,

Picking some flowers–making a crown by it, playing with the animals there.

Seems much more relaxing than in a crowded-big-city, huh? 🙂

Btw, I know where you stand. Silent in the trees.

Why won’t you speak?

Conquering the city.

A curious and adventurous girl: something I’ve just discovered from myself. I realized it now from the way I feel towards any place with its adventure possibilities–when I thought about that.

I love to explore new places, I feel it cool to go somewhere alone. Also, I never feel like a lost child to be somewhere alone, instead, I feel like the main character of a book or a movie. Seriously, there are so much you can do by being alone. Capturing some random pictures, talking to strangers, learning something new, or simply just clearing your mind. Hence, here I dare myself to make a trip to a city I’ve never visited before alone, maybe Surabaya or Jogja, this year (I hope). Not easy, I know. My trip to Malang last year just easy because I have a friend there who took care of me, someone I dearly miss now.

Yes, I love to be accompanied by friends too, don’t get me wrong. But I’m just not a type of girl who will cancel my plan to go somewhere just because there’s no accompany. I just think “why don’t go there and find what I can find alone?”. You don’t always feel lonely by being alone because there’s a huge difference between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’, though. 

Lately, too, I’ve been thinking about what an ideal happy life is. And I thought about a city, a strange city I’ve never visited before. But this city, however, scrathed a smile on my face. I imagined myself woke up in the morning on my warm and comfy bed next to a window where a friendly sunshine happily said hi to me. I will dressed up, ready to look around the city by my bicycle or even just take a walk then stopping by on a bookstore or a coffee shop. Better if there’s a park with a river to simply just enjoy the moments. Alone, or with a lover 🙂

Syukur:

Setiap orang punya suatu hal yang harus disyukuri.

Setiap orang punya kekurangan, tapi juga punya kelebihan masing-masing yang patut disyukuri,

orang-orang mungkin lupa. Itulah sebabnya lebih banyak yang mengeluh daripada yang bersyukur,

tidak bisa disalahkan, karena sesuatu yang buruk memang lebih bisa mendistraksi pikiran dibanding sesuatu yang indah.

Kau hanya perlu melihat lebih teliti: di balik senyum “mereka”, pasti ada setidaknya satu resah di sana. 

Kau juga hanya perlu melihat dengan lebih teliti: di balik gundah dan keresahan, ada satu hal yang perlu kau syukuri.

(Seandainya setiap manusia memahami, setiap orang pasti akan berpikir seribu kali untuk menyakiti orang lain. Karena, setiap orang sudah berada pada masalah dan pertarungan hidupnya masing-masing.)

Why.

​I guess I really can’t ever be angry to anyone. Although they hurt me, I’ll always think of the reason to forgive them. I may not want to talk with them and avoid them–only if I have to. But I won’t abandon people as long as I don’t have a reasonable thought to do so. And that’s why I always wonder why some people find it hard to do. Why so easy for them to leave people. And how can people just go and not be there anymore.

Sometimes, I want to be the one who’s angry. To be mad right back at people who’s mad at me. But instead of mad at them who can’t understand me (although I try so much to understand them), I’ll just always blame and blame myself. I blame myself for what people do to me. I mind other’s mind and feeling too much sometimes I forget that I also have a heart to be cared of.

Fvck it off. I’m doing the best I can to bring the best version of me. If they can’t see that, it should be their problem and not mine, right? People don’t have to like me, and I don’t have to care, right?

But that’s just a thought.

In fact, I’ll just always be a person who care too much. If not, I won’t be thinking about this until bother my time to write it in here.

Well, so much feeling huh 🙂

Please don’t hurt them.

I can’t do this. I’m so weak at watching sad animal (sad people too) ((sad-anything, tho)) videos 😭. I’ll cry even before the video reach the climax yet…or at least…there’s an ache in my heart when watching it 😭

Mostly, it’s about dogs. I don’t know. Maybe because dog is the most ’emotional’ animal in the world? Yep. You can tell that they have feelings! There are too many proofs for that fact. Example: have you guys ever watched Hachiko? The Japanese dog whose have a statue especially made for him as a mark to respect his faithfulness in waiting his owner, tho his owner would never come back 😭

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Drifted apart.

(One):

If I play back the old memories, to the years and months and days we spent together, I can’t believe what’s between us, today. A wall, a great great wall. I still don’t understand who built it. If not you, not me, and it can’t be others, too, so who?

You said it’s all my fault that you became like this, for you to say that you forgave me but we can’t be like what we used to be. I’m so tired of telling you that I didn’t mean any of the things you accused to me. But I’m still sorry. You’re missunderstood with me, yet you said it’s not like that. So what?

Because no matter what you said, you’re still missunderstood with me because you believe that me…your bestfriend…could be bad to you…my bestfriend. After all the times we had together, you really believe I’m that kind of person?

You now say that I know nothing about you. Did you forget that we used to talk almost everytime and about almost everything? I’m that bestfriend you used to need when you wanted to cry or smile. And you’re the bestfriend that used to always listen all of my thoughts and feelings. Do you know nothing about me?

It’s not because I don’t know you that I can’t understand your reason. It’s because you’re my bestfriend that I can’t believe we have to be like this.

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