What do they feel inside?

You’ll never know what people keep inside; their thought, their feeling.

A girl, beautiful and sweet, always carry a lovely smile everywhere and give it to every people she meet, just confessed to me that she actually planned to kill herself at least ten times a day.

And I just couldn’t believe it.

I believe it, but I don’t believe it. I know it is possible, but I can’t give myself the answer of such an acceptable reason for that thought.

How could she?

She’s surrounded by so many people who love her–including me. She have such a great life and she always has smile on her face every time I look and talk with her. And no matter how much I think about it, her life is indeed luckier than me. How could she thought of suicide?

But when I think about it again, it actually makes sense. Because I, you, everyone, just can’t know what other people feel inside. They might tell you, but sometimes you just still won’t understand the exact feeling since you don’t stand on the same shoes. They are the one who experienced the things that make them feel that way, not you.

Now I ask you: what do you think about me? What do you think about the life I live?

Some people told me that they see me like like a water, so calm; a book, so open; a sun; so bright. Some people even ever told me: “Don’t you have problems?”, “Have you ever angry? I never see you angry.” and such things. Before, I just laughed and thought how funny those questions are. But now I think those questions are actually acceptable because people just will never ever know what other people feel inside.

So can you just please be kind to everyone you meet? A smile is so simple, but it could eventually brighten someone’s bad day. Can you please, don’t be so mean, said anything that is rude, or hurt others? They are fighting a battle you know nothing about.

I’m an open book. My best friends said it is so easy for them to notice whether I’m happy or sad, and perhaps it is easy for you to notice too if you know me.

But have you ever thought of the idea that me, sometimes, cry myself to sleep, in the middle of night?


1 detik, 1 menit, 1 jam, 1 hari, 1 bulan, kemudian 1 tahun…

Tulisan ini mulai dibuat entah beberapa detik yang lalu. Ketika kau membaca ini, mungkin satu atau beberapa jam sudah berlalu. Ketika kau mengunjungi blogku lagi untuk melihat-lihat, mungkin tulisan ini adalah satu dari sekian tulisan yang sudah aku tulis dalam beberapa bulan atau tahun ke belakang.

How surprising it is to realize that time goes by that fast.

Satu detik, satu menit, satu jam, satu hari, satu bulan, kemudian satu tahun…

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Yang membunuh dan menyelamatkan manusia.

Aku berbicara tentang sesuatu yang membunuh dan menyelamatkan manusia. Ya, sesuatu yang sama.

Kau bisa terbunuh olehnya,

kau bisa terbunuh oleh perasaan sesak dan kesedihan yang dibuatnya. Kau bisa terbunuh oleh ilusi-ilusi yang dia ciptakan. Kau bisa terbunuh oleh lelahnya penantian. Kau bisa terbunuh oleh rasa yang terlalu dalam.

Kau juga bisa terselamatkan olehnya,

kau bisa terselamatkan oleh dia yang kau pegang dan memegangimu dengan erat. Kau bisa terselamatkan oleh satu-satunya hal yang membuatmu ingin terus melangkah maju. Kau bisa terselamatkan oleh secercah cahaya yang kau lihat ada di penghujung jalanmu meskipun masih bayang-bayang.

Aku yakin kau sudah kenal bahkan akrab dengan sesuatu ini,

tidak perlu aku kenalkan. Sang pembunuh dan sang penyelamat: Harapan.

6 ways to get rid of your sadness: a tips from me.

Satu, masuk ke dunia lain.

Maksudnya bukan pergi ke alam gaib tempat mahluk-mahluk gaib berada atau ikut tantangan uji nyali jika program reality show itu masih ada, tapi masuk ke dunia lain: dunia selain dunia yang berada di dalam kepalamu–yang kamu pikirkan, sumber masalahmu berada, duniamu.

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Aku dan kopi :)

cat and coffee

image source: weheartit.com

Tulisan ini terinspirasi dari seorang penulis favorit, penulis yang belakangan ini selalu membicarakan kopi sebagai inspirasi barunya. Tapi, aku bukannya mau membahas kopi seperti yang dia bahas, aku hanya mau menceritakan kisahku sendiri… bersama kopi 🙂

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Conquering the city.


image source: weheartit.com

A curious and adventurous girl: something I’ve just discovered from myself. I realized it now from the way I feel towards any place with its adventure possibilities–when I thought about that.

I love to explore new places, I feel it cool to go somewhere alone. Also, I never feel like a lost child to be somewhere alone, instead, I feel like the main character of a book or a movie. Seriously, there are so much you can do by being alone. Capturing some random pictures, talking to strangers, learning something new, or simply just clearing your mind. Hence, here I dare myself to make a trip to a city I’ve never visited before alone, maybe Surabaya or Jogja, this year (I hope). Not easy, I know. My trip to Malang last year just easy because I have a friend there who took care of me, someone I dearly miss now.

Yes, I love to be accompanied by friends too, don’t get me wrong. But I’m just not a type of girl who will cancel my plan to go somewhere just because there’s no one to accompany. I just think “why don’t go there and find what I can find alone?”. You don’t always feel lonely by being alone because there’s a huge difference between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’, though.

Lately, too, I’ve been thinking about what an ideal happy life is. And I thought about a city, a strange city I’ve never visited before. But this city, however, scratched a smile on my face. I imagined myself woke up in the morning in my warm and comfy bed next to a window where a friendly sunshine happily said hi to me. I will dress up, ready to look around the city by my bicycle or even just take a walk then stopping by on a bookstore or a coffee shop. Better if there’s a park with a river to simply just enjoy the moments. Alone, or with a lover 🙂


Setiap orang punya suatu hal yang harus disyukuri.

Setiap orang punya kekurangan, tapi juga punya kelebihan masing-masing yang patut disyukuri,

orang-orang mungkin lupa. Itulah sebabnya lebih banyak yang mengeluh daripada yang bersyukur,

tidak bisa disalahkan, karena sesuatu yang buruk memang lebih bisa mendistraksi pikiran dibanding sesuatu yang indah.

Kau hanya perlu melihat lebih teliti: di balik senyum “mereka”, pasti ada setidaknya satu resah di sana. 

Kau juga hanya perlu melihat dengan lebih teliti: di balik gundah dan keresahan, ada satu hal yang perlu kau syukuri.

(Seandainya setiap manusia memahami, setiap orang pasti akan berpikir seribu kali untuk menyakiti orang lain. Karena, setiap orang sudah berada pada masalah dan pertarungan hidupnya masing-masing.)